“It’s ridiculous how seriously people take Tinder” – Is it?

I’ve had this chat now couple times with different guys.

That it seems ridiculous how seriously people take Tinder. Doing all this just to get laid with women is a road to hell. Self-improvement is just a waste of time.

After all, don’t we all just want an abundant sex life quickly, and Tinder is supposed to be the platform for quick and easy hookups. Right?

If so, then why are there so many skills, guidelines and processes on profile improvements you should learn in order to succeed. Isn’t that just ridiculous?

These are valid thoughts that I’ve had as well when I was younger. So let’s approach this from my own life experience, and I’ll give my current take.

What the past me got wrong

What I wanted for my dating to be really efficient. I could use that time so much better for other pursuits.

There was so much I wanted to do rather than chase after girls and sex. Graduate from uni. Get a good job. Think how to found my own business. Do something I actually enjoy.

But I wasn’t dumb either. How many dating options do you think I had as a 120kg fat ass, huge nerd, shy introvert, with a poor style consisting of camo pants and metal band t-shirts / hoodies?

Not that many even if I did have relationships. But I couldn’t really choose who I dated.

I also knew that Tinder is really looks focused and there’s TONS more men than women on it thus it’s competitive as hell. So the average me probably won’t stand out. And lo and behold, I sure didn’t.

The only two matches I got in 2016 were friends, who just laughed at my poor attempts to open a conversation. Yup, really encouraging.

I did know what I needed to do to change things. But it’d take way too much time. After all, I’m a busy student, right?

Chasing girls is only for “naturally talented” guys do. It’s not for nerdy guy like me.

Going to a gym is for jacked guys. Getting fit to get laid is pathetic.

The very thought of changing myself in order to date who I wanted felt repulsive. Why can’t girls appreciate me for who I am? Or rather, why can’t the hot girls I want appreciate me like this?

Do I really need to change & fake myself to date how I want? I’d rather be alone.

But you know what? The problem here really wasn’t my situation. Nor that Tinder is what it is.

The problem was that I wasn’t honest to myself what I wanted. In my self-image, I was the guy hot girls were having steamy bed acrobatics with. But I never did anything to make it happen.

I didn’t change my self-image reflect the reality, nor did take action to get closer to the self-image. The difference between expectations of self-image and actions done in reality made myself to come up with excuses to explain WHY I wasn’t what I imagined.

And those excuses were keeping eating my self-worth every day.

So, looping back to the original thoughts. Is taking Tinder and self-improvement really seriously ridiculous? Is it pathetic to do all of that to get laid?

I say no. Because now my actions match my self-image. I’m honest with myself that I want to date hot girls, so I strive for it. I don’t need excuses anymore, so there’s no constant doubting myself.

How to be honest with what you want

Now, how do you join your self-image and actions? That’s quite simple, even if not necessarily easy.

We can change either our self-image and bring it to present day reality, or stop taking actions that goes against our self-image and take action towards it.

Preferably both.

To change your self-image, you need to face whatever excuses you use. Both those you know are harmful, and those you aren’t doing that you should be doing.

The hard part isn’t really knowing those excuses. It’s honestly accepting that your life might be a mess right now. It’s OK if it is. You’ll work to change it.

To start taking action to meet your self-image, you need to build up habits around the actions you want. And again, the easy part is knowing the actions you need to do e.g. eat less calories for weight loss.

The hard part is doing them consistently for months or years.

After all, if these simple things were easy, everyone would be doing them and you would’ve done them ages ago.

But I assure you. If you do both, you’ll definitely be happier than if you kept being dishonest with what you want.

Naysayers often aren’t honest with themselves thus they hate that you are and strive for what you want.

If you’re honest with yourself and happy, why would taking Tinder seriously be ridiculous?

Takeaways

• Majority of my excuses rose up from being dishonest with my self-image of who I wanted to be and the reality I was living. And this is really common for guys in general from my experience.
• When you start being honest, you need to change your self-image to match the reality or take action to reach the self-image you want. Preferably both.
• What you need to do is simple, but often quite hard. If it was easy, you would’ve done it already.

A good place to start is to face your excuses. Often honesty with them gets us angry, and anger can be a good motivating force. But only if you direct it to the situation rather than yourself. So read here how to avoid blaming yourself and focus on improving.