Is Your Dating Life The Same As Six Months Ago? Check this.

A ton of guys, my past self included, look at successful guys who hang out with hot girls. We get envious and want a similar life. We look at our own lives. Home, work, video games. Maybe a hangout with a friend or two here and there. But no hot girls. No girlfriend.

We get fired up and motivated to change our life. Now is the time you change! You make a Commitment to yourself. A New Year’s resolution. A bet with your friends.

But then have all of that just… fizzled out? The Commitment was never followed by real action. Six months later, you realize that you’re still alone and your dating life is still the same. Non-existent. You get mad about it again. Why can’t I stay motivated?

I’ve been there. I made promises over the years. I’ll start going to gym next month. I’ll lose weight this year. I’ll take studies seriously. Of course, you can probably guess that I never did.

Well, this is why.

The Trap Of Comfortable Life

Nowadays, we live a highly comfortable life. It might be mediocre, but there are no major threats or inconveniences in our life. We have a roof on top of our head. We get food easily from grocery stores or even delivered freshly made to our doors. Whenever we’re bored we can get entertained endlessly by Netflix, Disney+, Twitch, video games, Spotify. If we feel horny, there’s endless amount of free porn on the Internet. You name it and by rule 34, it probably exists.

I tended to play video games like World of Warcraft, Minecraft or Factorio to numb myself. I ordered tons of delicious pizza delivered to my door. I drank a lot of rum&coke with my roommate, because it was fun. I would’ve enjoyed hanging out those hot girls at the university parties. But I didn’t. Instead, more video games, alcohol and pizza it was.

In short, I was comfortable. Frustrated? Yes. Really fucking frustrated. I knew I could achieve more. Yet I did nothing.

In other words, we always find a reason why not to act: the time’s not right, I don’t have the money, I’m not attractive enough, I don’t have the social life, I’m not extroverted enough, I’m not famous, what if girls think I’m fake, I don’t deserve it, it’s hard, I don’t know where to start, I can’t, I’m not ready, I’m not ready, I’m not ready… !

But the thing is. These reasons just mask the underlying reason. The real reason is far deeper, and far simpler: The pain of not-doing-it doesn’t outweigh the pain of doing-it.

You could have all the money, looks, social life, and fame you want, and still live another 365 days that are a carbon copy of the 365 days before them. You’d still be frustrated by your dating life.

Your frustration is not enough to push to actually act and do something to change your dating life. In other words, you’re stuck in comfortable mediocrity. Frustrated, but not enough to act on it.

You’re stuck in a chasm of comfortable complacency. Frustrated, but not enough to act on it.

Like me. I was envious of guys with girls and frustrated at my own lack of interesting dating life. But I just went back to playing WoW, Minecraft and Factorio.

The Fuck This Moment

For me, it took 5 years for the frustration to boil over in 2016. Strings of poor relationships. Non-existent sex life. Hated my obese looks at 120kg. Addicted to video games. Hated my job. Burned out with university.

Ironically, I would be better off if my life sucked a ton more and earlier than that. Because I would’ve done something earlier.

And same goes for most guys. Ironically, they’d be better off if their life sucked a ton more. That would push them to do something about it rather than say “it’s fine” or “I’m not ready” and be merely frustrated.

The more life sucks, the more likely you are to hit a point where you go “Oh fuck this. I’m fed up with this shit. I never want to go back to this.” We’d decide to rise from the comfortable complacency.

Fire up your pain until it is hotter than thousand suns

Unlike me, you don’t need to wait until life fucks you without lube and your life is in shambles (although that’s a popular choice). The root of the problem is that we’re not honest with ourselves and our problems. We downplay the problems we experience to cope with life. We just need to stop lying to ourselves, and honestly face what we dislike in our life.

To get to it, write down all the parts in your life that suck. Not dating girls. Girls aren’t hot enough. The sex is boring. Your social life sucks. You have a job you hate. Any part you don’t like in your life. Highlight everything you are not happy with in the current situation.

Whenever we are dishonest about our wants, we fall back to being dishonest about the reality of our situation. We fall back to the comfortable complacency that is frustrating, but not enough to actually do anything about.

Be honest that you want better. Honesty about how much your life sucks should trigger your “Fuck This” moment. It probably makes you angry or otherwise motivated to change the situation at the situation. Fan up that anger and motivation! BUT! Don’t be angry at yourself. Direct the anger into a productive force to take action and change your future.

Make your commitment painfully in your face

Now, when the iron is hot and the Fuck This moment is vivid and burning in your mind, write it down. On paper. Yes, paper.

Dump all the things you hate about your current situation, so your subsconscious can’t sweep it under the rug again.

Then, on a fresh page, write down the powerful reason that will keep you going when things get tough.

Is it to have casual sex whenever you want? To have threesomes or foursomes with only girls? To find the girlfriend of your dreams? To have sex with 100 girls? To have a new girl every week? To have fun and then settle down? To try out BDSM or other kinks?

Whatever it is, it’s your reason.

For me, I want to choose who I date and I don’t want to compromise. That’s my reason. Nothing wordy, but really powerful force to keep me striving for more.

Now, write it down and stick it where you’ll see it.

Remember, it doesn’t have to be wordy. You can put 5 words on a post-it and stick it to your computer. Or a bathroom mirror. Or hang it on your wall. Or put it on your phone’s lock screen.

Whatever your is, keep it in front of your face.

Takeaways

• Nowadays we live in a really comfortable life with tons of ways to distract our mind. That makes it so much harder to actually change the parts in our lives that frustrated ourselves.
• I’ve had to rebuild my life when it was in total shambles and I hated everything. But the shortcut to “Fuck This” moment is to be honest with what frustrates you, and stop accepting excuses for things that frustrate you.
• Our mind tends to downplay our problems to cope with them. Write everything that frustrates you down in all gory detail on a physical paper. Put it in some place where you can see it constantly and are reminded what you work towards.

Anger is a great motivational force. BUT, it doesn’t last and you can’t change your life with one action. And this is where many fail. And boy did the past me fail too. If you wanna avoid this way too typical of a mistake, read more here.