It’s one thing to see great Tinder profiles that hit multi-match combo breakers and then wonder what makes them tick. But rarely do you see where those profiles started, so you could see how they improved in order to achieve that success. More often in reality, your own profile might be not be the worst, but you just can’t put your finger on it how to do it right either.
Here I’ll go through how I’ve reflected on my own goals and how that has affected the effort I put into Tinder and dating in general.
My Initial Goals and Realizing How Far I Am From Those
In 2015-2016, I reflected on what do I want out of dating. Even if I was severely overweight myself at ~120kg, I just wasn’t attracted to obese girls myself and instead wanted to date those fit girls I saw daily. Further after a string of consecutive monogamy relationships, I wanted more casual relationships rather than yet another exclusive monogamic one.
In other words, I set my sights really fucking high. Back then, I tried Tinder with the average man’s result of zero matches. So I knew that if I were to reach my goals, I’d need to change and put in a lot of effort to just reach a lean physique. I was clueless what else would it need, but I was sure that losing my excess fat was the first necessary step and I focused solely on that.
Montage. Eye of the Tiger. Things were easy, right?
Making Tinder After Losing Most Of Body Fat
It took me 6 years to get from the goal setting to actually close to the leanness that I wanted, although the pandemic and closed gyms slowed it by two years. I had my North Star of dating how I wanted, but it did require a lot of work on my mindset and learning how to build habits so I actually keep the weight off.
But at this point, I was wondering what do I do now. I knew dressing as a corporate guy wasn’t really the most attractive look, but I knew nothing on how to use my new physique for dating. And as an introverted shy IT nerd, I wasn’t really killing it in the social circles either. Accidentally while searching, I found a really comprehensive Tinder guide by KillYourInnerLoser’s Andy and an effective dating style guide by Radical to work with (not affiliate links, just a happy consumer / customer).
My goals had not changed, but from those guides I learned how to redo my wardrobe to look hot and Why dressing stylish for work and for dating differ“>stand out rather than blend in as well as how to get started on building my Tinder profile.
With the first iteration of my profile, I did get matches and likes, and an occassional date. However generally, the quality of girls was not up to my liking and matches rarely lead to a date even if I might have gotten their number.
So, while it’s not a terrible profile, it didn’t help me achieve my goals. This meant that there was a lot of improvements I could make.
Second Iteration and Goal Change
After realizing that my profile wasn’t “converting” matches into dates properly, I decided to copy the idea of being even more upfront from the KYIL Tinder guide. I had been somewhat interested in BDSM in the past, but I decided to try couple pictures that convey that vibe even if I had no real experience (which I told upfront in conversations).
During the spring 2022, I updated my profile with BDSM vibe photos. This did cut the likes and matches drastically, but on the other hand, the amount of dates and actually having sex with the girls increased. However, the rate of matches was really slow and I wanted even hotter girls thus I really didn’t have much abundance at this point.
Third Iteration With A Lot Of Effort
During the summer 2022, I had a chat with a friend that we should take a shit ton of good Tinder photos for both of our profiles. I knew that I needed to improve the quality of my photos by a large margin if I wanted to achieve my goals of multiple hot FWBs who are into kinky sex. Having slight success got me hungry for seeing even more success.
In the end, I did 11 photoshoots with varying friends during the summer, because not all photos were usable or I wanted to improve on it immediately. Pictures from the first photoshoot were used for a while until I got better pictures from later photoshoots. Pictures from two photoshoots were deemed as “not an upgrade to the profile” thus discarded. One BDSM themed photoshoot’s result got banned from Tinder.
During those photoshoots, I improved by leaps and bounds by learning a ton of skills when it comes to posing, framing, lighting, and ideating photos. The essential cheat here was to find inspiration photos and aiming to copy them as much as possible. Then it just boiled down to simply taking as many photos as possible and hoping that by sheer amount of numbers at least some of them had to be decent.
Now, my profile nets me couple likes a day and an occassional match here and there with a girl into BDSM. However, I’ve become extremely picky with my right swipes, because I do match with the level of girls I want and generally I keep seeing those that I vibe the best with. Thus I have options that allow me to be picky.
Goals For The Future
At the moment of writing, I feel my profile is good enough for what my goals were. However, my criteria seem to be growing stricter and stricter over time. I’m being pickier on my right swipes on Tinder and looking for better sync on multiple levels rather than just for sexual activities. And while I do match with the level of girls I want, I wanna see can I match with more of them and with even hotter girls. So I feel that my profile can be improved by more interesting, above average photos as well as showcasing the physique I worked to improve over the winter. In other words, I aim to do more photoshoots next summer instead of stagnating.
Here’s me as an example of how one can build a working Tinder profile with purposeful effort to reach your goals. If you haven’t thought your own dating goals through, I suggest doing that and then taking action and building habits that take you there.
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